Chapter 15

Disappointment has a name and its heartbreak warfare.

Heartbreak Warfare – John Mayer

I don't wanna be adored, don't wanna be first in line or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light, to shine a light on your life to make you feel loved

I lay myself down to make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
Warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

Hamburg Song - Keane

Ch. 15

“What do you want me to say, Taylor?  That I’m happy that you moved in on the one girl I actually had feelings for?” I growled as I paced back and forth on the patio.

He looked down at the ground sorrowfully, with his hands in his pockets and mumbled, “No, I don’t expect you to say that.”

“Damn man.  I went for her because you said you didn’t feel that way about her.  Now all of a sudden you wake up and see the light?!”

I heard him take in a deep breath and I knew the words were going to come out sooner or later.  “For Christ sakes Biz, how the fuck can you stand here and tell me that you have serious feelings for her?!  You go out on dates with other girls, you fuck whatever you run into on the road but then you come back here and act like none of that meant anything because Ari is your girl.  Tell me, how does that all work in your head because it doesn’t make much sense to me.  Fuck man, she’s the first woman I can actually stand here and say that I’ve had feelings for since Carly.  I would never be the one getting it on in the bathroom one night and then on my knees the next, attempting to be the knight in shining armor.”

“Look, I know that you and I operate differently when it comes to women, but I had decided on the road trip that I wanted to try and make things work with Ari.  I wanted to start over with her and be the man she might want.  Is it that hard to believe that I could change for her?”

He looked up at me with sad eyes and said, “Honestly? Yes.  Yes it is.  I’m sorry, you’re my best friend, but I can’t see you being any more serious with Ari than you are with any other woman I’ve seen you come in contact with.”

Ouch.  That hurt. But not as bad as it hurt when Py informed me that Ari slept in his bed last night.  I sucked it up through dinner, like I didn’t care but the tension was too much for Ari to bear and she left the house in tears.  Now Py and I were trying to sort things out, but this was obviously going to be harder than it seemed.

“Well I will have you know that the feelings I have for Ari are something I have never had.  I know I’m a mess when it comes to keeping my dick in my pants, but I really do think that I could change for her.”

“She already told me she loves me, Biz,” Taylor spoke tiredly.  “So can’t we just please move on?”

“I don’t believe that she’s made a complete decision, man.  Didn’t you see her at the table tonight?  She looked confused and upset.  Hell, before she came over here last night I almost had her up in my own bed, so don’t fucking tell me she’s changed her mind that quick,” I manically quipped.  I was not going to let this go easily.  I wanted to be sure that I didn’t have a chance with the raven haired beauty that had been screaming out my name underneath me only a couple weeks ago.  There was more between us than what we both seemed to admit.  I understood that she would probably feel comfortable with Pyatt, especially with everything they had gone through, but I couldn’t get it out of my head that she was just taking the easy way out with him.  Of course this was no offense to Py.  “I’m heading home.  Realize that I have no ill feelings towards you.  You are still my best friend and all, but I’m letting you know that I’m not stepping back until I know for sure that she doesn’t have feelings for me.  I’m sure you can respect that.”

I watched as Py nodded his head, slowly in agreement.  “Yeah, I can respect that, but I hope you will respect her if she does decide that I’m the one.”

“I will,” I said as I stuck my hand out to shake on the deal we were basically making.  “No hard or ill feelings towards each other as we battle for the woman of our life.”

He looked down skeptically at my hand and shook his head in disbelief.  “So what you are saying is that we share her for the time being until you decide she isn’t going to be yours?  I can’t believe we are doing this.”

“Oh, I’m sure after spending the night with her in your arms; you know exactly why we are doing this.”

“This is only going to be a mess,” Taylor said, defeated.  “I think Ari will probably be completely against this.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of my car.  All I could do was cry.  I felt like I had been torn in half.  After watching how much it tore Paul apart, I began to realize that maybe I had more feelings for him than I had let on.  How could this become such a disaster?  I felt like a total piece of shit now for telling Taylor that I was in love with him.  But it wasn’t a lie.  I really do love him.  But is it enough?

I was still crying when it began lightning and one of our rare thunderstorms decided to pop up.  On a normal night I would have been excited to listen to the sound of the rain, tonight I felt like it was just my tears overflowing into the world.

“Arianna?!  What are you doing here?!” Paul’s voice yelled through my closed window as I left out a blood curdling scream when the lightning illuminated his hulking figure outside of my driver’s side door.  I almost forgot that I was actually parked in front of his apartment complex.

I was still grasping at my chest, hoping my heart had restarted as he opened the door and unhooked my seatbelt.  Next thing I knew he was scooping me out of the seat and carrying me to the door, like he had done the night after the party at Upshall’s house.  This time, it was his place we were going to and I just kept my nose pressed to his chest as the tears still rolled down my cheeks.  His shirt was so soft and his body felt so familiar to me, clouding up my mind even more and making my heart quiver in pain.

He carried me into the elevator and then down the hall to his apartment.  Somehow he opened his door without having to put me down until we got into his kitchen.  He sat me on the counter and went into the bathroom to grab some toilet paper to wipe my face with.

“I don’t have tissues, but I have enough of this to last for the year,” he said trying to keep his smile hidden.

I couldn’t help but snot giggle, which made him laugh out loud.

“That’s just disgusting,” he snorted as he stepped back, afraid I might get snot on him.

I blew my nose about ten times and then wiped my face with the cool wash cloth he had given me.  When I finished I looked up and found him leaning his back against the counter across from me with his arms folded in front of his chest, intently staring at me.  He was a beautiful man in his tight fitting jeans and tight, v-neck t-shirt that clung in all the right spots, showing off his muscles.  “Hi,” I said weakly.

“I didn’t expect to find your car in the parking lot,” he said.

“I didn’t expect to find myself here either,” I answered honestly, not able to look away from him as I felt my face flushing from embarrassment.

“I’m glad you are here, Arianna.  It proves that my heart wasn’t lying to me,” he spoke as he pushed himself away from the counter and moved towards me.

I felt the tears starting to come to me again as his finger traced my jawline while he studied my face.  This time I looked away, causing him to drop his hand back by his side.  “I’m so confused and angry.  I’m angry at myself because I want to be in love with Taylor and move on, but then my heart ached every time I thought of you.  I don’t know what is going on.  I was so sure I didn’t have feelings for you…”

“You didn’t allow yourself to have feelings for me.  You didn’t want to open yourself up to me.  Once in a while you’d let me possess you, but you’ve tried your damnedest to resist me,” he said with emotion.

“I’m not supposed to have feelings for someone like you.  You are just going to hurt me.  All the things you said that morning after we had sex, they were words you’ve said to all the other women you’ve woken up with.  I’m just another notch in the bedpost…” I started blabbering, like I had suddenly come down with a case of oral diarrhea.  I felt his finger lay across my lips, effectively shushing me.

“You make me out to be some sort of monster, Ari.  I’m sorry if I’ve made you think that I am,” he said with a sad laugh.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” I whispered from behind his finger that still lay gently across my lips.

“I know exactly what you mean.  My sister always said that I’d someday be sorry for all my playboy antics.  Tonight, I understand her words completely.”  He paused as he pulled his finger off my lips and put his hands in his pockets, seeming to contemplate what he was going to say next.  “Arianna, I know that you don’t have to believe me, but I’ve be honest with everything I have ever said to you, it’s been the complete truth.  I’ve only slept with two other women that I have woken up with to see the sunlight; one of them being a girlfriend that I had been with for about 2 years.  When I said to you that our night together was incredible, I meant it.  It was most definitely one of the best nights I had ever spent with a woman.  Our time together has been fun, talking with you always makes me smile, the feel of you against my skin is something I don’t think I will ever forget, and I can’t get enough of your scent when you are around me.”

By the time he finished, tears were making the room around me look like it was underwater.  My mind once again firing all the alarms, warning me that I was quickly becoming more confused and that I needed to get out of here quickly as possible before I said or did something I might regret.  I was pulled from my thoughts as Paul’s thumb cleared some of my wetness of my cheeks, looking at me with worried eyes.

“I hate seeing you upset,” he said quietly.

“I just don’t know what to do.  This morning I thought I was completely in love with Taylor but I now I’m sitting here in your apartment, wondering if it is you that I’m in love with,” I answered, surprisingly honest.

After the words her out of her mouth she got this scared look in her eyes and quickly shuffled off the counter, making a bee line for the door.

“Arianna, where are you going?” I sputtered out, still surprised by her sudden movement.

“I need to go home.”

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her, yet not pulling her towards me.  “No, you need to stay here with me,” I said in a quiet, yet demanding way.  “Stay with me tonight.”

“I-I can’t Paul.  You make my head spin.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to do,” I said with a smirk that was quickly wiped away when she finally turned to face me with a look of hurt confusion on her face.  You really know how to mess things up, Biz.  “Ugh, Ari, I’m sorry that my mouth opens before my brain okay’s it,” I sputtered out as I left go of her wrist.  “I’m sorry; I just want to be given a chance so bad to prove to you that I just might be the one for you…”

She took a step towards me and laid her finger across my lips and said, “I’m pretty sure you are the person who told me that sorry is for someone who can’t handle the responsibility.  So, sorry doesn’t cut it,” she said with a small smile that set my heart alight.

I moved her hand and stepped towards her, leaving centimeters between us as I growled, “Then I take full responsibility for what I’m about to do.”  At that I wrapped my arm low around her waist and pulled her against my body as I leaned down and forcefully took her lips.  My large hand slid down and cupped her ass.  As I squeezed it, she cried out into my mouth.  I instantly got a hard-on and it felt like my skin was on fire, a fire that could only be quenched by her skin against mine. 

In a swift motion I pulled her shirt up and over her head, throwing it to the floor and with two fingers, I popped open her bra.  I couldn’t bring myself to part for more than a second from her lips because she tasted so good.  It was evident that our bodies missed each other more than either of us had let on.  Her nipples were hard and erect when the palm of my hand grazed over them.  Her moans vibrated into my mouth, causing me to moan back. 

My hands followed down her smooth stomach to the top of her jeans, which I unbuttoned without much resistance as she helped me by wiggling out of them as they fell to her ankles.  She had me groaning as her hand brushed against my hardened dick while she began getting me naked.  She teased me by grabbing the length through the material of my jeans and rubbed up and down.

“Fuck, Ari.  Pleassssseee…” I hissed as I stepped back to rip off my shirt and get out of my jeans, only to find her completely naked when I looked back up at her.  I could swear she was panting with anticipation; if not, I knew I was.  I roughly picked her up, causing her to wrap her legs around me as we went back to kissing madly.  I stumbled over to the door of my apartment, basically throwing her against it.  She didn’t seem to be upset by the almost violent act that was happening here in my living room; in fact she was clawing at me as much as I was clawing at her.  She was biting at my face when I lifted her up and slid her down over my dick.

“Yessss…” she cried out in a low tone as I grunted along with her.  She was so wet and hot for me and I almost shot my load in her at that moment.  I jammed it home, deep into her as I bounced her against the door.  No doubt I’ll get a complaint from someone that happens to be walking down the hall with their child or something. 

Her hair was a wild mess, tickling my skin as she bit into the side of my neck, causing me to leave out a primal growl.  She helped get the right angle by holding on tightly with her thighs, allowing me to pump in and out of her like a plunger.  I couldn’t help but flip her hair to one side and run my tongue up her neck, to her jawline and into her ear.  Her sweat tasted sweet to me and once again found myself wanting to devour her.  As soon as I licked her the second time I felt her slick walls clamp down around my dick, pulling me into the abyss with her.  She shivered every time my dick quivered inside of her, releasing more of my cum.

She stayed wrapped around me for a moment as I left the blood rush back to the rest of my body.  “I don’t think I will be able to stand if you put me down,” she whispered with a smile.

“I don’t think I want to put you down,” I whispered back, capturing her mouth in mine once again as I kissed her with more passion I thought was possible.  When our lips parted I whispered again, “I think you just made me want round two.”

Instead of the protest I was afraid she might give, a giggle leaked through her beautiful mouth as I carried her back to my bedroom and laid her out on my black statin sheets.